Thursday, January 28, 2010

I am not permanent

I live by myself 
and while on a daily basis it's awesome
There are times when I wish I had some company. 
This week I feel like I'm getting a good amount 
of welcomed visitors to my abode. 
Tonight one of my dear friends is staying over
On Saturday my aunt and family 
will come to see the place since they haven't yet. 
And after they're done Doll Face (Kira)
will be coming over too! 

I love living by myself
there's a different sense of freedom
but I also enjoy the occasional visitor. 
when I eventually have my own house
I would love to have dinner parties. 
And more specifically beer dinner parties. 
I love the idea of a potluck
but I love the idea of a Beer-luck more. 
Everyone brings a beer to get in
And in that way everyone learns something 
One of very few reasons I want to make more money. 

For now, I'll have a great time
with my apartment visitors. 

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The state of my union

95% of the time I won't write about work. 
I won't comment on my job
or how my day went while at the office
The main reason being I prefer to forget about it
especially by the time I get home. 
today will get mentioned for certain reasons. 
I believe that I respect about half of management 
and of of those managers that i don't respect
has pushed themselves to the limit. 

This trait isn't just part of a manager's personality
it's a part of people nobody will admit to
which is exactly the problem. 
We've been raised so that if we're wrong or

if we do something wrong 
it's bad. 
Well what happened to teaching people
to own up to their own mistakes? 
It's ridiculous when people take the easy way out
and blame other people for what they did wrong
or what they could have prevented themselves. 
I'm tired of people/managers pawning off 
their own mistakes on other people. 

It's time to grow some balls
and stand up for yourself 
and what you've done.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

They're both a fruit

I love oranges. 
If I had to choose a fruit
for the rest of my life
I'd pick oranges. 
But every now and then 
I could go for a juicy red apple. 


Monday, January 25, 2010

A day of HOPE

One very important person to me
went into surgery today. 
I wasn't concerned until today. 
Other people around me were talking
about others who had illness
others with medical problems
and I couldn't help but get anxious. 
I am happy to say everything is fine. 

However, someone else I know
also had to go through surgery today
and I think his was a little more serious. 
I truly hope they got everything out.
I hope his family was able to stay calm 
I hope he has a quick recovery. 

When people close to you 
go through immense challenges
that you can't really help with
it makes you feel more than helpless. 
there's not much you can do, 
but Hope.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Almost 5 years ago

A swarm of emotion fills my mind
as I look up at your face
from the right side of the bed. 
Your voice was all I heard 
in that moment of clarity. 
A phrase I'm still not prepared for. 
A phrase I always want to hear.
When the meaning of love is felt 
not just heard through my insufficient ears. 
I can't fool my heart
like I can fool my senses. 
I know this can't be real. 
I must be thinking up a wishful scenario. 
But in this moment
I realize I'm awake. I'm aware. 
More than ever. 
You're the one I want.
You're the one I need. 
You're the one who shows me I'm allowed to be loved. 
Only when that lump in my throat appears
do I know it's true. 


 

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Sick Day #2

Since I didn't go to work today
I'm also not going to blog. 
Well....sort of. 

See you tomorrow. 


"A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightning."
-James Dickey 

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

holes in the sky

Two days in a row
I've seen that there is 
light at the end of the tunnel. 
From late at night 
to about 3 in the afternoon 
all I see is gloom, gloom, gloom
and suddenly the sun shows its face. 
the light shines 
and there's a reminder
that hope is still here. 

Tonight I glanced up at the sky
and after a day of rain
tornado warnings, lightning, thunder
flooding and so much more
there was a clear patch
the black sky with those tiny dots
creating something soothing 
and beautiful. 


Monday, January 18, 2010

bacon!

I don't often have cravings. 
Food is food
I do however enjoy anything that tastes good. 
But over the last week
I've been craving something 
that sounds so heavenly. 




A maple glazed bacon donut from Nickel Diner in DTLA. 
OH MY GOSH! 
I don't feel like I have to say much. 
I love bacon, 
and who doesn't like donuts? 

Here's my plan, I'm hoping this can happen soon so I can stop craving. 

Take the Metro to Downtown
walk to Nickel Diner and enjoy a meal
then partake in the deliciousness of the bacon donut
explore some other areas of downtown 
take the metro home
and feel completely satisfied. 

this may seem simple and ordinary
but if it's not for the little things in life
it wouldn't be worth living.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Love what you can't control

The rain has come. 
It brings different things when it arrives. 
For some sadness.  
For others inspiration. 
and for a few it brings fear. 

Gloomy weather provides gloomy moods. 
People associate themselves 
with what's going on with mother nature
When the sun shows it's bright face
so do people. 
When the clouds come in to block the sun, 
it also comes and blocks the happiness. 

People in California also fear the rain
because so many of us drive in it 
it causes more harm than good. 
There's a bit of uncertainty with rain
and uncertainty undoubtedly brings about fear. 
I'll embrace it. 

And for that last group
it brings inspiration. 
I tend to fall in this last category 
more than I do in any of the others. 
I'm not really sure why that is
but when it rains and when the sky is sad
I find some sort of creative comfort. 
I can't enjoy the outdoors as much
because if I look up I won't be able to see, 
but I definitely appreciate the thoughts,
the mind exploration I go on. 
This weather makes me dig deep
and search from within my soul 
for something else besides what's given. 
This is why I love the rain. 
This is why I embrace whatever nature will give me. 

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Love in all the wrong places

When you think about something 
and when something related to that
actually happens, 
is it a coincidence or fate? 
Last week I was thinking about love
and how I wanted to write about it
I put on KEXP through itunes
And the song that came on was
"True Love Will Find You In The End" 
a cover by Hey Marsailles. 
I felt like that was the perfect song
for that moment when I was thinking about love. 
Somehow when you think about something
more follows behind with the same theme. 


It's kind of like when you decide you like a car
and all of the sudden that's the only car 
you pay attention to on the road. 


At that moment when the song came on
I felt like I was meant to hear it
Because I do believe that true love
will find you in the end. 
I look forward to those moments 
when you think about something
and your "epiphany" happens. 

Friday, January 15, 2010

away we go

My Seattle trip is finalized. 
The tickets  have been bought
the hotel has been booked, 
and I'm ready to get away for a while. 
It's so easy to be overwhelmed
working 5 days a week
doing the same thing for those 5 days. 
This trip is exactly what I need. 
It's one thing to take a day off
but to actually go somewhere
do something you've never done
and just live life. 
Working all day 5 out of 7 days 
isn't living.  
It's hardly that. 
But traveling, exploring, 
going on adventures
that's living! 

I'm excited to start living again. 
I can't wait for my adventure! 
I can't wait for  time away. 

Sick Day #1

Yesterday there wasn't an entry. 

I took a sick day. 

I hope to be back later today. 
But that depends on how bad I feel. 

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

you gave me life, i give you pride

Spending time with family 
is better than I think sometimes. 
Today my dad came out and took me to lunch, 
and every time he comes I love it. 

It's not the fact that he pays for lunch, 
or that he gives me a care package, 
but that I spend a quality hour
with him talking about what's going on. 
I was looking forward to his day
since he told me he would come. 
I'm not sure what it is 
but I just love my Dad. 


I remember sometimes
when he would drink a little too much
and he tells me how proud he is of me, 
I feel so great that he says that
because I know he means it
even if he had been drinking. 

There's no other feeling in the world
than when your parents are 
completely proud of you
and what you've accomplished so far. 
I'm incredibly lucky to have not 1, 
but 2 parents who are more than proud
of what I've become. 
And that makes me happy to know
that I've pleased them
at the very least.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Taking back Tuesday

When I was younger
we were always asked
"what's your favorite day of the week?"
most kids said Friday or Saturday, 
but for some reason
my answer was always Tuesday. 
To this day I don't know why. 
I know I was born on a Tuesday, 
but why should that make a difference? 

If I were asked that question today
it wouldn't be a specific day
it would be any day I know I'm happy. 
A specific day shouldn't be the reason
why I'm happy
unless it's a specific date. 


But because today is Tuesday
and there wasn't anything negative that happened, 
Tuesday's are still 1 of my favorite days.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Lamb mush

I can't think of anything significant right now. 
And I'm starving, so writing this just makes me wait longer to eat. 
However, I have something I wrote
from Christmas weekend, 
so I'll share that today. 


-------------------

When you change me
will the passion still be there?
Will my love die
or will it soar?
I'm not afraid 
to lose this life, 
I'm afraid
to lose myself in you. 


You're the only thing that matters. 
You're the only one I want. 
I'm ready for this new life with you. 


Was I born to live this life? 
What decision will you make for me? 
I want to give up growing old
So that we can be together in eternity. 


You're the only thing that matters. 
You're truly all I want. 
I'm ready for this new life with you. 
I do. 


I don't normally give background information on what I write. 
But I feel compelled to right now, because it's not about me. 
This was written with a book in mind and not my life in mind. 
Although I plan on getting married, and I want to, I'm not 
planning on it tomorrow.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Okay kids! Today's theme is "Enjoyment"

I completely opened myself up and let myself enjoy everything today. 
I not only stopped to smell the roses
I listened to my surroundings
savored every second of life, 
and thoroughly took pleasure in my day. 

From the moment I opened my window this  morning
I knew I needed to be outside for a portion of the day. 
If I had a porch even breakfast would have been outside. 
We took the top off of Tino's jeep 
enjoyed what the wind was offering,
appreciated the patterned clouds, 
and simply relished in the moment. 

Soon after the short ride 
we partook in a lovely picnic at the park. 
We talked about things like having our own dog, 
or our own children to play at the park with. 
We were satisfied with each other's company
and the simple food I made for us. 
It was all I needed. 
All I really wanted. 

Even on the drive back to my apartment
I paid most of my attention 
to the Los Angeles skyline from atop 
the highest point of the 134 freeway, 
and let the wind whisper in my ears. 
It wasn't a secret, but a reminder. 
This is why you're here, 
to enjoy every aspect of life
no matter how imperfect 
and unsatisfying the rest can be. 



Saturday, January 9, 2010

Adventure time

Part of my goal is starting. 
I had a small adventure today. 
I drove to the metro station
Took the goldline to Union Station
met up with Casey and walked to Olvera St. 
I love taking the metro 
and going to DTLA
We also walked to Chinatown just for a minute. 


Although this didn't take up too much time 
I'm extremely glad I did something today.  
I enjoyed my stuffed churro  
savored my watermelon juice
and bought my love his favorite mexican candy. 


My eyes have definitely opened up 
even wider to public transportation, 
though I've been on the metro before. 


And now the rest of  the day/night
will consist of spending it 
with my other half.




Friday, January 8, 2010

All is full of Love

When you google love
do you really find it?
would you be searching for something
that you can't dig up?
Finding love
is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Become the magnet
and let love find you.

I did.

I got rid of all the fears
I opened my heart
and I let in the unknown.
Today I received a call
just to be told I'm loved.
I haven't been that excited
or surprised in a long time.

It feels amazing to know
someone else feels the same
you feel about them.
I may play the tough one
the one who can handle things
stressful situations and such,
but when it comes to love
I'm as weak as a strand of spaghetti.
However, I'd rather feel weak
and give myself to love
than always keep myself at a distance
and never feel what I do now.

Stop searching.
Let love find you.
let your magnetic forces
bring you together.
And enjoy life until that happens.


Thursday, January 7, 2010

Where'd you get that?

Everyday there are a few instances
that remind me of a movie or something I saw on TV.
Today my coworker couldn't remember
how the kit-kat bar commercial goes.
This exact scene happened in an episode of "The Office"
I couldn't help but laugh
and act in the same way they did on the show.
I wouldn't help her.

I love that TV and movies are inspired by things that happen,
and I love that sometimes those things actually happen,
no matter how ridiculous it seems.

I find it interesting that media
can influence people so much though.
The radio tells you what to listen to,
the news tells you what to fear,
billboards and commercials tell you how to spend your money.
I know I'm guilty of getting something
based on an advertisement.
But I enjoy the more subtle influences.
After reading the twilight series
I found out they were influenced by
other novels.
So I felt compelled to read these other books,
to get a sense of where the author was coming from.

These sort of influences happen all the time.
The favorite sports player who listens to an artist
is now your favorite artist.
The place so and so go
is now somewhere you want to go.
Our whole world was built off of this.
Otherwise mom and pop shops would fail.
Word of mouth is the greatest advertisement
and without people voicing their opinions
nobody would be influence by anything.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Oh the places we go

As each day passes
I feel the urge to go even more
to go somewhere thats not here.
I need to travel and experience somewhere else
at least for 1 day.
I don't feel as down about it as I did before,
because I know it's going to happen soon.
I have plans to go at the end of February
and that makes things easier.

There are plenty of places I'd like to visit
in fact I don't mind going everywhere.
But here's a list of places I feel I need to visit.
They're in no particular order, but it is my top 10.
(I'm leaving Seattle out because thats where I'm going in 2 months)

1. Stockholm, Sweden
2. Italy
3. Belgium
4. Spain
5. Ireland
6. Buenos Aires
7. Japan
8. Iceland
9. Bora Bora
10. France

I wonder if I'll get to visit these places.
I hope in the future I'll at least get the opportunity.
For now the major cities of America will have to do.

"I wish the world was flat like the old days
and I could travel just by folding a map...
there'd be no distance that could hold us back"

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

just a phase

I love days that end up feeling productive.
I could have been more productive than I was
but from what I've been doing lately it feels good.
I washed the dishes, put things away,
made dinner, for the first time in almost 2 weeks,
and there's currently a pumpkin loaf in the oven.
I also wrote out my grocery list,
started a new book,
and sorted my earring in my new organizer from Kira.

It doesn't seem like much
but at this point it's a huge step
from where I've been.
In a lazy haze.

I hope this continues on
and I hope that I get rid of this lazy phase.
I'm ready for it.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Farewell

I'm a little jealous,
I'm very happy,
and a little sad.
One of my coworkers is moving on.
She's going back to school to pursue her career of choice
She's doing what so many are afraid to do.
I wish her the best on her journey
but more importantly
I feel like she's starting to give me the motivation I need
to release myself into that scary world.
I'm having trouble finding exactly what movie I saw it in
but there was a quote that sums it up
"Lets never be too afraid to chase our dreams"

Malinda...
thank you for showing me it's not too late.
Thank you for leaving that crack
after you close the door.
I only hope I put my foot at there
in time before it closes on me.

Good luck with your new adventure,
enjoy the ride and all the sights.
I know the ocean misses you
and now so will I.





Sunday, January 3, 2010

unimportant

This new goal about posting a blog everyday
is going to be more difficult than I thought.
I don't open up easily
and I'm not going to suddenly open up online.
I like being subtle.
I don't like giving everyone all the details about my life
and sometimes that means I won't know what to write about.

Case in point.

I'll end up writing about something insignificant.
Something that has little to no meaning at all.

-------------------

Sundays are my least favorite days.
They bring on emotions that aren't pleasant.
They're reminders that reality is here,
You have to go to work,
You have to be responsible.
I want a break from it.
I want to be able to not worry about anything for 3 months.

That would be the greatest thing right now.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Like a kids club, but cooler

I don't have any New Year Resolutions.
There's nothing for me to resolve.
But there are things I feel like I need to do.
Not quite my "bucket list"
but more like a list of things to experience
just not really before I die, but before the year ends.

There will be a series of lists to come
I won't be posting any of them today.
But something I want to get back into
is searching for things to do.

For a while I used to look in the LA Weekly
every week and see what's going on.
I'd mark things on the calendar of things I want to do.
Most of them cost money, but as of recently
the LA Weekly understands the struggles we're all going through
More and more I see things that are free to do
but are more fun than the paid ones.

I realized another great thing about living in L.A.
There's the LA Weekly that will give me things to do
There's Los Angeles magazine that opens my mind to new ideas
and there are countless blogs and internet searches
for me to explore the greater Los Angeles area.
I don't understand how I consider myself bored on weekends.
I guess the downfall is that there aren't always people
to accompany me on these adventures I want to go on.

I need some L.A. adventure friends.
And so a new goal this year
Is to create some L.A.A.F.s

Friday, January 1, 2010

Pied Piper

I just read an article in Los Angeles Magazine
about losing the greatest friend after 45 years of friendship.
The article started with how these 2 friends met.
This meeting reminds me of the way
my best friend and I met.
Anne Taylor Fleming describes seeing this girl and something instantly clicking.
"Yes, everything in me said, that's the one I've been looking for.
That's my planetary pal, my pied piper.
Lucky for me she felt the same."

Now I'm not sure if she felt the same at first as well,
but I definitely knew this friend would last.
After being in school with her for 3 years,
I changed schools after moving in with my Dad.
She was the only one I wanted to keep in touch with,
who also kept in touch with me.

As any friendship goes,
we had our ups and downs.
But no matter what we've maintained that friendship.
And I know that if I move across the world
or she does the same
We'll still be in contact
We'll still be connected.

It sounds so cheesy to say
that I've always considered her
my "friend soul mate"
But after reading that article I've got a new term.
My Planetary Pal.

At this point in time I couldn't imagine
what it would be like to lose her
and so I won't.
Instead I'll hope that we'll have that friendship
that lasts 45 years and more.
So that I can show my kids
that it's possible to have something that lasts.